a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
