Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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