glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
