Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
