Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
