You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
