Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
