maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
