If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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