i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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