She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What a dumb baby whore.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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