forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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