I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
