I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
