I'm gonna have a badass scar
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the day after is always just damage control
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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