if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
