Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
