If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
