batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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