I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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