three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
