Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
