It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Me too!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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