One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
did i just pee glitter
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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