I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
