I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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