she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
