you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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