for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
