I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my being single is dangerous.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
