But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
