Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
