she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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