WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
