be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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