Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
