Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
