i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
