Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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