A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
