non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish you could order shots online.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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