my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
you never un-have a 4some
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
