God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
