I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
