Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
