Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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