i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
