I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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