tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
