I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
